I Have Doubts

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Over the years I went through a crisis of faith. In many ways I knew this would be coming, but at the same time I dreaded it. I didn't know exactly what to do with it. My doubts came in spurts. It started with the reverse culture shock of moving back to the United States from Germany and culminated with my termination as an officer (pastor) in The Salvation Army and my eventual resignation as a soldier (member).

During that time, I realized that there was one thing missing in my faith community:  I didn't have a secure and safe place to express my doubts. Doubts were forbidden. Doubts were a sign of weakness in one's faith. To publicly express doubts invited censure and condemnation, or at the best, a sincere attempt at trying to kindly correct one's wandering.

The words "backslider" and "heretic" were often bandied with glee.

It was then I realized that it was no longer helpful for me to stay in such an environment. When people began to question my salvation, whether or not I were going to Heaven when I died, or even if I were a good person, then I knew it was time to leave. I could no longer find good fellowship with those who condemned me. It was even worse when I had to fight to simply fight to be a member.

Anne Lamott is quoted one of her priest friends as saying, "The opposite of faith is not doubt. It's certainty." (From Plan B: Further Thoughts on Faith)''

That statement brings me a lot of hope.

It is OK to have doubts. Having doubts is a part of faith. When I become certain of any faith related issue, what need do I have of faith then?

Doubt is a natural part of faith. We should encourage questioning. Living with our doubts will help sustain and fortify our faith.

In my next few blog posts, I plan to explore my own personal doubts:  from the Virgin Birth to the existence of God.