Deconstructing Doctrine 3: The Trinity

For those encountering my blog for the first time, I would recommend reading the first installments on this series on Deconstructing Salvation Army Doctrines.

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The Trinity

What could be more difficult than trying to explain or figure out the Trinity? That is not one of the easiest things to do. In 1999, I was in Albania during the Yugoslav War, helping with refugee camps with The Salvation Army. One time, I was able to talk with one of our Albanian translators about God. I was trying to find common ground with him in sharing my faith.

Then we talked about the Trinity. That was my first stumbling block.

"You worship three gods. Right? Father, Son, and Mother?"

That was an interesting way to look at it and not surprising for someone who was an outside observer of Christianity.

My inept explanation did little to convince my young friend.

The best explanation ever I have seen of the Trinity is from this hilarious video about two Irishmen talking to Saint Patrick about the Trinity.

So with that in mind, let us venture to read the Third Doctrine of The Salvation Army:

Doctrine Three

We believe that there are Three Persons in the Godhead - the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost, undivided in essence and co-equal in power and glory.

What am I to do with this doctrine? I can imagine for most Christians, the idea of a Trinity is something they accept and just move on. Trying to explain the Trinity is another matter.

What is this trinitarian God? If God is undivided in essence, then how could Jesus have died? When Jesus was human, did he separate himself from God? Where is the idea of a Trinity in the Hebrew Scriptures? It's not there at all. In all honesty, there is no statement in the New Testament either that God is a triune being.

The King James (Authorized) Version of the Bible has a corrupted translation and additions in 1 John 5:7,8:  "For there are three that bear record in heaven, the Father, the Word, and the Holy Ghost: and these three are one. And there are three that bear witness in earth, the Spirit and the water, and the blood: and these three agree in one."

But you know what? This is a prime example of some overly zealous scholar adding to Scripture. The actual Scripture passage says only this:  "There are three that testify: the Spirit and the water and the blood, and these three agree." (1 John 5:7,8 NRSV)

It is so easy for us to infuse our own preconceived notions into Scripture, making them saying something that it never meant to say at all. Even if we are well intentioned, it is still wrong.

What is going on here?

This is perhaps the easiest thing to explain. Early Christians were trying to figure out something after the fact. Jesus never denied that there was only one God. He told his disciples about the Holy Spirit and he talked about God as a Father (which, in and of itself, was something new).

Who was Jesus, then, in relationship to God? Was he a prophet, or something more? Jesus rarely referred to himself in grandiose terms. Instead, he preferred the simple term of "Son of Man," which basically means "human one." God referred to Ezekiel as the Son of Man, too.

Then there is the Spirit of God, too. The Spirit of God came and went to prophets and kings in the Old Testament. This Spirit seemed to be similar, but also different:  staying, maintaining the Church, teaching, admonishing, bestowing supernatural gifts on people. The Spirit (who is a feminine being in Hebrew), is a relational aspect of God. She moves in us and binds humans together for common purpose.

"It's alright. She moves in mysterious ways." (Saint Bono of U2)

Early Christians didn't want to do away with the idea that there is only one God, but at the same time, they didn't want to say that Jesus was only a mere man. He was something more. Thus, the Trinity was born:  something that is never mentioned in Scripture, but at the same time, describes what Christians believe is the nature of God.

Mystery upon Mystery

Is that it then? Have we summarized God into a neat category? This Trinity? Three persons, but one?

It seems to be a paradox. It fails logic. It doesn't make any sense whatsoever.

And I'm ok with that. 

Christianity is not some black and white religion. Christianity is a vibrant patchwork tapestry, filled with so many disparate views on God, nature, the universe, humanity, etc. Somehow I believe God is like this, too.

The Trinity begins to describe this nature of God, but it isn't the final description of God. That would be too limiting. If God is more than what I can imagine or describe, then I can find God everywhere.

I find God in Scripture. I find God in nature. I find God in my relationships with other people. I find God in science. I find God in Islam. I find God in Buddhism. I especially find God in agnosticism, where not knowing if God really is there is the beginning of wisdom.

It is sometimes hard for humans to sit with mystery. The Trinity is a type of mystery. It is nothing definite or certain. There is nothing clear about it. It is confusing, mind boggling, and people have so many ideas and concepts of it. The Trinity is both heretical and orthodox at the same time.

That can be frustrating for people who love certainty. These people enjoy singing "Blessed Assurance." They want to know for a fact that when they die they will go to Heaven, that God is there, and that there is meaning to this life.

Certainty tends to wipe out faith.

I don't know any of these things for certain. I don't know what happens when I die for certain. I don't know what will happen with my consciousness. I don't know for certain that there is a Heaven. I don't know for certain that God is there.

I have faith that God is there. I dwell within the mystery of the Trinity. I dwell within the paradox that there is something more to this existence that is measurable or knowable. In a more practical way, I practice this through meditation. Centering prayer is a great way to start, if you are unfamiliar with meditation. 

If I were to rework this doctrine, I would say something like:

I believe that God is a mystery, but one can start with the Trinity.

Deconstructing Doctrines: Doctrine 2

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The Reaction

If you are reading this blog for the first time, be sure to check out my previous article on Doctrine One.

I had quite a reaction to my last post. Lots of it was positive. Some was negative. It's funny how the negative ones tend to stick out more than the positive ones. I was called apostate and heretic. My first reaction was to burst out laughing. Then I remember all of the pain from my initial rejection. It was salt in the wound. I know this is part of the healing process, but sometimes the pain is intolerable, especially when it comes from friends.

My response to those who call me a heretic:  We are all heretics to someone else. No matter what we do or say, our beliefs will not align with everyone else's. How we treat that person who disagrees with us says perhaps more about our character than anything else. I also realize that when you challenge what used to be a shared belief, people often take it as a personal attack on themselves. It is not.

Also, I love the Bible. I think it is fascinating. I especially love the Old Testament, having learned Hebrew in college. It's how I read and interpret the Bible that seems to be causing issues.

To those who gave me the encouraging comments:  Thank you. The positivity outweighed the negativity. I especially want to thank those who are still in The Salvation Army who appreciated my look on their doctrines.

So on to the next doctrine:

Doctrine Two

We believe that there is only one God, who is infinitely perfect, the Creator, Preserver, and Governor of all things, and who is the only proper object of religious worship.

At face value, I really have nothing wrong with this doctrine. Surprise! Perhaps in its interpretation is where the conflict arises.

Let me tell you a story.

I was in 11th Grade and in my Advanced Placement History class. Right before class started, I noticed on the board a list of world religions. I calmly ticked them off as I read them:

Buddhism -- bad

Confucianism -- bad

Judaism -- bad

Christianity -- good

Hinduism -- bad

Islam -- bad

Shintoism -- bad

etc, etc, etc . . . 

What I didn't realize was that one of my fellow classmates was standing behind me. She was blunt and asked me, "So you're saying all of those religions are wrong?"

"Well, yeah."

"How can you be sure?"

Thus started a friendship that continues to this day. Eventually, I came to see her point.

If I had been born in Libya, I most likely would have grown up Muslim. If I had been born in Thailand, more than likely I would have grown up Buddhist. I cannot help where I was born. I was born in the United States and grew up Christian. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that, either. It's just how life happened.

Most religions have a concept of the divine. It intersects and crosses over all cultures. In many ways, it unites us. For those who are agnostic, atheist, or non-theist, sometimes it helps to think of the universe, the unknown, etc.

The picture above is a relief of Pharaoh Akhenaten and Nefertiti and their children, worshiping God. Akhenaten did away with polytheism and established the first monotheistic religion, even before Judaism appeared. It failed miserably and died with his son, Tutankhaten, who became better known as Tutankhamen (King Tut). Unfortunately, the only way to appease this God was to have a special relationship with the Pharaoh. It was also a political move. Akhenaten stole the political power away from the priests of Amun.

The Problem

What I see as the problem is that our own individual concept of God, the universe, etc., conflicts with other people's perception of God. I once had a very pleasant conversation with another member of my last denomination, when he emphatically said, "You and I don't worship the same God." I had the impression that he thought I worshipped a god of my own design.

That was bizarre. We were both in The Salvation Army. We were both officers. What was different? Our view of God was different. Perhaps in this we see a critical issue.

Christians rail against Muslims, stating that Allah is not God (even though Arabic Christians use the word "Allah" when speaking about God). Muslims state that Christians worship 3 gods, thinking that Christians are not true monotheists. Wars have been fought over how we view and worship God.

The issue I see at hand is that we cannot look past each other's differences. Jesus expressed this in several ways.

There is a story in the Bible about Jesus' disciples complaining that other people were healing the sick and casting out demons in Jesus' name. The disciples wanted them to stop. I can imagine why. The attention was no longer on the disciples or on Jesus. It was on these other people. Jesus actually had no problem with it. He told them, "Don't stop him. No one who does powerful acts in why name can quickly turn around and curse me. Whoever isn't against us is for us." (Mark 9:39-40 CEB)

At the same time, it's not necessarily about what we believe, but we do that matters. Jesus himself said, "Not everybody who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will get into the kingdom of heaven. Only those who do the will of my Father who is in heaven will enter." (Matthew 7:21 CEB)

It's not so much orthodoxy (right thinking) that will help us, but orthopraxy (right doing). We can say that we believe all the right things, but if what we do doesn't match with what we believe, we are hypocrites.

Jesus tried to explain this when he told the story of the Good Samaritan:  Someone who believed all of the wrong things, but was still granted eternal life because he did the right thing.

Give me a Muslim any day who feeds the hungry and heals the sick than a white Christian who denounces Muslims on social media. The former is doing the will of God. The second is just blast of wind (flatulence), as Martin Luther so euphemistically said.

What then?

Is God infinitely perfect? What does that even mean? Is God a perfectionist? I don't believe so. If we are to believe the Bible's stories about the Flood and the Exodus, God regretted creating humans, as if we were a mistake.

However, if I understand that God is in all and with all, then it makes sense to me. There is a concept I love of God, which is called "panentheism." It's not "pantheism," which means God is everything. Rather, panentheism means that God is in everything and is also beyond everything.

If there are people who disagree with how you view God, so what? God calls on all of us to love each other. How about loving God by loving others? We have differences in opinion. Does that mean we need to tear each other down and fight with each other? Absolutely not.

If I could rewrite this doctrine, I would probably say,

I believe that God is in all and is beyond all. God is the Ground of Being. How I live and engage with God is how I worship.

For more information on God as the Ground of Being, see Rob Bell's excellent conversation with Peter Rollins on this subject.

Deconstructing Doctrines

Deconstruction

Many of you realize that I used to be a member of The Salvation Army. I was not only a member (soldier), but also an officer (clergy). I grew up in The Salvation Army. Some people balk at the idea of The Salvation Army being a Christian denomination, but I thought that was and is one of the Army's strengths:  It is not always recognized as a religious denomination. In that way, they can practically help those in need.

Myself as a Salvation Army officer at my parents' retirement

Unfortunately, The Salvation Army and I had to part ways. Due to my divorce and my outspokenness for LGBT inclusion, I could never be an officer again. I even had to fight to be accepted as a member of my local congregation. This was just another example for me of no longer being welcome.

There is some bitterness there:  That part of your life is suddenly gone and you are rejected simply because of what you believe. It leaves a hole that needs to be filled.

What I had discovered was that there is no safe space within The Salvation Army to explore one's faith and to even question and doubt what one believes. I have come to learn that doubt is an integral part of our faith's journey. There is this wonderful quote by Anne Lamott in her book, Plan B: Further Thoughts on Faith

The opposite of faith is not doubt, but certainty.

Expressing and living with doubt is a difficult thing to do. Most humans like to live in a dualistic world:  Right and Wrong. Left and Right. Conservative and Liberal. What if there is more than one correct answer, or even no right answer?

Could we live in that tension of not knowing for certain?

To me, that is faith.

Because of this:  I am giving myself the freedom I was denied to do so as a soldier and certainly as an officer:  I will question and examine the 11 Doctrines of Faith that they maintain. I don't know how this will end up, but this journey is for me.

You may ask, "Timothy, if you belong to another church now, why not just leave this behind?" This is me leaving it behind. It is for me to examine what I thought I believed and never questioned.

The Doctrines

The Salvation Army has 11 Doctrines of Faith that they have not changed since they were first written in 1878. They do revisit the interpretation of these doctrines, writing a "Handbook of Doctrine," periodically.

All members of The Salvation Army affirm that they believes these doctrines. This does produce a wonderful sense of uniformity and conformity. If you believe the same as the other person, there is a tremendous sense of harmony. I knew going from one congregation to the next that I believed the same as most everyone there.

The problem comes in when someone begins to question and have doubts.

I won't be going over all 11 doctrines in this post. That would make for a very long post indeed! Instead, I will go over the very first doctrine.

Doctrine One

We believe that the Scriptures of the Old and New Testament were given by inspiration of God and that they only constitute the divine rule of Christian faith and practice.

This doctrine establishes the foundation for the beliefs of The Salvation Army. At face value, this seems really innocuous.  Its in the interpretation that one begins to have problems.

The Salvation Army uses only the Protestant Old and New Testament Scriptures as the basis of their beliefs, ignoring and sometimes demeaning the other books of the Catholic and Orthodox Bibles as being less than inspired.

But what is "inspiration?" To me, it meant that God is the Muse of the authors of the Bible. However, it typically means among more conservative elements that the Bible is inerrant and infallible, which means without error or being able to cause error. I have seen heated arguments over the nuances between these two words.

I have known many Christians who call the Bible the "Word of God," when Scripture never refers to itself in this way. For these Christians, the Bible becomes more than religious writings. It becomes God itself.

There is only one true Word of God:  Jesus.

As the Orthodox priest, Brad Jersak, likes to say:

It is sufficient to say that the Bible is full of errors and contradictions. Matthew's Gospel states that Jesus was born during the reign of Herod the Great, but Luke's Gospel states that he was born when Quirinius was governor of Syria.  Which is it? It can't be both. Herod died about 4 BC and Quirinius wasn't governor of Syria until about 6 AD, a time difference of 10 years. Mark and John don't even care about the birth of Jesus. It wasn't important in their narratives.

For goodness' sake! Mark doesn't even record a resurrection of Jesus, just an empty tomb! (Some scribe decided to add several verses to Mark's Gospel, including snake handling.)

Despite this, there is no archeological evidence for a worldwide flood. Any Young Earth Creationist who tries to bring "evidence" to this, is roundly criticized because their "evidence" never stands up to scrutiny.

There is no evidence of a mass exodus of slaves from Egypt. There is no evidence of Jericho being destroyed at the time of Joshua. There is no evidence of Esther actually being a queen to Xerxes in Persian documents.

The Bible is certainly not inerrant. Any attempts to somehow explain these inconsistencies in the Bible is just sophistry.

If one's faith is built upon the concept that the Bible is without error, one's faith quickly crumbles when presented with the actual facts, if one is willing to actually confront those facts.

What I realized, though, was that I had actually been taught this in my conservative Christian College of Asbury. It had shook the foundations of my faith then. What I did was simply ignore it and went on. I think many Christians do this. It is so hard to change your worldview once it has been set.

The Bible itself is not what we sometimes make it out to be. For example, Moses certainly didn't write the first 5 books of the Bible. If anything, they were compiled by various scholars during the Babylonian exile, which is why one has 2 creation stories and 2 flood stories in Genesis

Paul did not write all of his letters. At the most, he wrote 7 (Galatians, Romans, 1 Thessalonians, Philippians, Philemon, 1 and 2 Corinthians). The others differ radically in theological concept and were most likely written in tribute to Paul, which was a very common practice in the Ancient World.

What do I do then?

Some people, when confronted with this either reject the Bible altogether or ignore the evidence. I didn't want to do either.

If the Bible is neither inerrant nor infallible, what then? I certainly don't believe any longer that "they alone constitute the divine rule of Christian faith and practice." The worship and faith of Christians isn't limited to what is described in the Bible.

What do I believe then? My doctrine would be:

I believe that the Bible was early humans' attempt at understanding and interacting with the Divine.

When I view it that way, then I understand more about why God was portrayed differently in different portions of the Bible.  "God hates foreigners" in Ezra.  "God loves foreigners" in Ruth. "There is no difference between men and women" in Galatians. "Women are lesser than men" in 1 Timothy.

It also helps me come to terms with my own faith. Faith is dynamic. Faith changes with life circumstances. Faith encompasses doubt, joy, uncertainty, and fulfillment.

I am fairly confident that my faith will once again morph as my life progresses. That is a good thing. It means that I am growing spiritually.

My hope and prayer is that you will also not be afraid to explore your doubts and questions and that you will have the courage to question what you believe.

The Power of Acceptance

Recently I had a conversation with a friend of mine about leaving my former church. I told him just how wounded and rejected I felt when my congregation refused to accept me for who I am and instead rejected me. My friend said that I should have expected this. Since I grew up in that denomination and I knew their stance on LGBT issues, it should not have come as any surprise to me that they would reject me and maybe I should have left sooner.

He had a valid point. Logically seen from a distance and with time as my perspective, it should not have come as any surprise to me that I would have faced rejection in my former church.

If I were a computer, that would be the end of the story. The update to my system made me incompatible with the old hardware. My changing theology and beliefs were at odds with my church. I should have expected to be rejected. It almost felt as if he were saying, "It's your fault you feel this way." However, I am not an automaton. It is impossible for me to look at things purely from a logical stance, especially when it comes to faith.

When I felt that rejection, it was as if I no longer mattered. I became a second-class citizen, unworthy of worshipping or being a member of that denomination. This seemed to me to reject Christ's call to love and accept all.

Some people had asked me why I had stayed so long in a denomination which discriminates against the LGBT community. Others were surprised that I stayed so long.

I grew up in that denomination. It formed the basis of my belief. I wanted to be able to see their "theology of service" mirror their "theology of worship." They simply could not see how accepting the LGBT community would not compromise their beliefs. To them the LGBT community was at best a group of people to be pitied and at worst, the ultimate threat to Christianity. Those members and clergy who are in the LGBT community are some of the most scrutinized I know.

Divine Acceptance

Jesus said, "Come to me, all you who are struggling hard and carrying heavy loads, and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28 CEB) Jesus' message of love began with accepting those whom society had rejected. Jesus' message of repentance included an exhortation to love others as he had loved us. To me, that is the message of the Gospel:  God loves. Because God loves us, we should love others.

So what happens when one is rejected by one's faith group? For me it was a bitter as divorce. I went through grief, at one point, wishing I hadn't gone through this, but at the same time, realizing I no longer had a choice.

At the same time, I found almost immediately another church that accepted me for who I was with no condemnation. Even then, though, it was still a hard struggle to come to the decision to become a member of my new church.

I still remember, sitting down for lunch with the Reverend Phil Snider, pastor of Brentwood Christian Church. I remember that if I were to find a church where I was accepted, I needed to be upfront with everything I had gone through. I remember how anxious I felt when I told him that I was bisexual. I was relieved and a bit shocked when he acted like this was an interesting piece of information, but it didn't change the fact that he accepted me as I was.

Do you know how empowering and freeing that is to be accepted just as you are?

When we accept people for who they are, they experience not only our love, but they encounter the love of God.

For many people, acceptance is so close to love that it is virtually identical.

How much more wonderful when people realize that there acceptance is only the beginning of love!

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I Have Doubts

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Over the years I went through a crisis of faith. In many ways I knew this would be coming, but at the same time I dreaded it. I didn't know exactly what to do with it. My doubts came in spurts. It started with the reverse culture shock of moving back to the United States from Germany and culminated with my termination as an officer (pastor) in The Salvation Army and my eventual resignation as a soldier (member).

During that time, I realized that there was one thing missing in my faith community:  I didn't have a secure and safe place to express my doubts. Doubts were forbidden. Doubts were a sign of weakness in one's faith. To publicly express doubts invited censure and condemnation, or at the best, a sincere attempt at trying to kindly correct one's wandering.

The words "backslider" and "heretic" were often bandied with glee.

It was then I realized that it was no longer helpful for me to stay in such an environment. When people began to question my salvation, whether or not I were going to Heaven when I died, or even if I were a good person, then I knew it was time to leave. I could no longer find good fellowship with those who condemned me. It was even worse when I had to fight to simply fight to be a member.

Anne Lamott is quoted one of her priest friends as saying, "The opposite of faith is not doubt. It's certainty." (From Plan B: Further Thoughts on Faith)''

That statement brings me a lot of hope.

It is OK to have doubts. Having doubts is a part of faith. When I become certain of any faith related issue, what need do I have of faith then?

Doubt is a natural part of faith. We should encourage questioning. Living with our doubts will help sustain and fortify our faith.

In my next few blog posts, I plan to explore my own personal doubts:  from the Virgin Birth to the existence of God.

The Assault

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"I'm going to beat the homosexuality out of you!"

And with those frightening words, I entered the realm of being persecuted for being bisexual. It's been two years, but I still recall that night as if it were today.

I smelled the alcohol on his breath and the dank odor of cigarette smoke. I remember my eyes bulging as his arm squeezed my throat. My glasses warped in its lenses. The adrenaline pumped through me.  My assailant yelled, "I'm going to kick you like a dog in a cage!"

Somehow I recalled the words of Jesus clearly, "You have heard that it was said, An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth. But I say to you that you must not oppose those who want to hurt you. If people slap you on your right cheek, you must turn the left cheek to them as well." (Matthew 5:38-39 CEB)  Looking back on it, I realize just how difficult those words are to obey.

I started seeing colors swimming in front of my eyes. I couldn't breathe. The only thing I tried to do was to try to pry his arms off of me.

All of the sudden I could breathe. His arms were off of me and he was kneeling a short distance away from me with his hands behind his neck. My glasses couldn't stay right on my face and I gulped huge breaths of air. My neck muscles hurt in ways they never had before.

I looked at him as the police quietly put handcuffs on him and hauled him away.

And with that, my life was forever changed.

I had been walking the borderline of coming out for such a long time. I didn't know how my friends, colleagues, and family members would take it. I had hope that people would accept me. People knew my reputation. They knew my heart. They knew me as a person. I was still the same person. I still love British humor and could recite Monty Python and the Holy Grail from memory. I still had a quirky taste in music and listened to grunge music after playing Gustav Holst. People knew me. That shouldn't change anything. Right?

How wrong I was.

One of my family members, after learning about the assault and what happened to me and why I was attacked, told me, "You know that being gay is a sin. Right, Tim?" I had been assaulted and it was as if I had been blamed for the assault because of my orientation. I didn't even correct them that I am bisexual, not gay.

My Church would accept me. Wouldn't they? After all, we talk about welcoming everyone and loving everyone without discrimination. Then I was told I was terminated with cause as an officer (pastor) in The Salvation Army. My beliefs on LGBT inclusion were a huge contributing factor. I soon realized that they welcomed you at first, but you have to conform in order to belong. If you disagreed with their theology, you were no longer welcome.

Many people in the LGBT community are constantly ridiculed or put down because of who they are or whom they love. People throw verses at me as if this should convince me that they love me and that I am wrong. It reminds me of this comic from David Hayward (used with kind permission):

My story is, unfortunately, not unique. Just this past month, a teenage transgender girl was murdered and her corpse burned. The motives are as, of yet, unknown, but I can only speculate that it was motivated because of hate. I realize that my situation, although not so extreme, is not uncommon.

It is easy to hate those who are different than you. Somehow I believe that Jesus would in no way condemn anyone because of their orientation. Matthew 5 is one of my favorite scripture passages. It has become even more relevant to me in the Common English Bible translation:

If you love only those who love you, what reward do you have? Therefore, just as your heavenly Father is complete in showing love to everyone, so also you must be complete. - Matthew 5:46a and 49.

What does love look like? It certainly hasn't been what I've experienced from fellow Evangelical Christians.

Love is my sister not condemning me, but listening to me when I tell her the struggles of being bisexual.

Love is my pastor not even batting an eye when I tell him that I'm bisexual.

Love is watching my friend weep at reading the news of another murder of someone in the LGBT community.

Love is my friends resigning as pastors when they realize that they can no longer in good conscience serve a denomination that refuses to welcome all.

Somehow I think that Jesus would have new words of condemnation for us in this world:

"Get away from me, you who will receive terrible things. I was poor and you said I was too lazy to work. I was a refugee from war and you thought I would bring war to your country. I was an immigrant and you thought I would take away the jobs you refused to do. I was murdered by guns and you fought to keep the right to bear arms. I was black and being persecuted because of the color of my skin and you said I should be patriotic. I was gay and you kicked me out of your church."

I remember that night:  choking, gasping for breath, my glasses no longer sitting correctly on my face. I realize now that Jesus was there, too.

My First Baptism

photo credit: Lawrence OP St John Baptising the Lord via photopin (license)

I was baptized on 11 June 2017. I had never been baptized before.

For those who know me as a Christian, this will sound somewhat preposterous. However, I grew up in The Salvation Army, one of the few denominations that does not observe sacraments. They feel (as I still do) that the sacraments represent an outward sign of the change and relationship one has with God and with others.

While I was at Asbury, the university I attended, I found it quite interesting, listening to Baptists and Methodists argue with each other about how to baptize. Methodists tend to just sprinkle with water while Baptists insist that full immersion was necessary. The seminary I attended, Grace Theological Seminary, which is affiliated with the Grace Brethren movement, advocate a triune baptism:  full immersion three times, one for each person of the Trinity.

So, when I was asked by fellow Christians how we baptize in The Salvation Army, I normally replied, "We dryclean." (This was normally precipitated by a long discourse about how The Salvation Army was a Christian denomination, despite the military overtones and jingoistic jargon.)

So why was I baptized? Many of you might have been familiar with my long struggle with acceptance in The Salvation Army. Since I started to question some long held tenets of The Salvation Army, I was no longer welcome as an officer (clergy) and a soldier (laity). I had to fight to be transferred to my local denomination. Even though I won the transfer of my membership, it was a bitter victory. I simply did not feel welcomed anymore.

I will grant this to my former officers (pastors): They did try to make amends for what happened and I have forgiven them; however, my beliefs of inclusivity with the LGBT community would not allow me to have a voice anymore in any capacity in The Salvation Army.

So I searched for a Church that would accept me as a bisexual person and where I could grow spiritually. I suddenly recalled a wonderful provocative speech from a Springfield pastor, the Reverend Dr. Phil Snider. I remembered watching this video when I was still an officer in Michigan. I felt that if this person had a congregation so close to me in Springfield, Missouri, then I would definitely want to check this church out.

This was the video I saw:

I came to the Church and was immediately welcomed with open arms. They listened to my story and didn't even flinch or blink when I explained that I was bisexual. When I told them my story, they loved me. All of them.

I told Phil that if ever I were looking to design a Church, it would look exactly Like Brentwood Christian Church.

I tendered my resignation as a soldier of The Salvation Army. That was very difficult to do. It represented my whole life of ministry and upbringing and 4 generations of continual membership in one form or another.

I started playing some of my favorite band music as I grieved that loss, but something better awaited me:

Acceptance.

One thing prevented me from being a full member of Brentwood:  I needed to be baptized.  I had never been baptized before. They would have even accepted a baptism from another church. However, since that had never happened to me, I felt that I could do this. The Disciples of Christ also do not believe that the form is necessary for salvation, but that it does represent my commitment to follow Jesus.

One thing I also realized:  the sacraments are extremely important at Brentwood. My conclusion on the matter is this:  since so many of their members had been shunned by other churches, especially those in the LGBT community, they were denied that fellowship through sacraments. To find a church that will allow them to celebrate the sacraments as a full member is life-changing.

So the day of my baptism came. I was nervous. I had no idea what to wear or to do. They thankfully heated the baptismal for me. I was provided with a robe to wear, too.

I may or may not have felt like this little boy getting baptized:

Also, I may or may not have had this song in my head before getting baptized. (Caution, NSFW as it is from the Book of Mormon.)

(The above video might be another reason why The Salvation Army does not perform baptisms.)

In all honesty, though, when the baptism came, I was overwhelmed by what happened.

My children came to witness me being baptized. I was so glad they were there.

Before being baptized, the Reverend Phil Snider introduced me with the following words:

Among many things, baptism symbolizes newness of life, a fresh start, a cleansing of heart, soul and mind from all that tries to take life from us. Tim is being baptized today as a reflection of his commitment to follow in the way of Christ. He's not a new Christian -- He's been a Christian for many years and exhibits deep Christian character. So much so that, a couple of years ago, when he made the pastoral decision to affirm LGBTQ persons, he was told he could no longer serve in the same capacity as a minister in his former church. But we are here this morning, standing with Tim, as we celebrate his Christian witness and his expression of love for all God's people. We celebrate his desire to follow in the way of Christ's unconditional love. And recalling that baptism is an ancient symbol that marks us as Christians -- as followers of Jesus -- and that celebrates our identity as one joined in the life, death, resurrection, and unconditional love of Christ, I now baptize you, Tim, in the name of the Creator, Christ, and Holy Ghost.

Despite the water, I began to cry a little after being baptized. I was humbled by the love and acceptance I felt. The acceptance and love that had been denied to me was once again extended to me.

Baptism means more to me than just salvation. It now means love and acceptance.