Pride and Acceptance

Quote from Harvey Milk/Artwork by Maddi James

I have a strange relationship with Pride Month. Since being out as bisexual, I hadn't always felt comfortable celebrating Pride. Perhaps it is because I am still learning to love myself and to be who I am despite others' perceptions. Be that as it may, this year I want this Pride to be special for me.

I often drive for Uber and Lyft on my free days. I recall one conversation I had with a passenger. I had just picked him up from a gay bar and he needed to unload a lot of frustration with me. He had just seen someone in the crowd who had sexually assaulted him a year ago and needed to vent to someone about it. He was unable to reach his friends on his phone, so he asked if he could share with me. During our conversation, I had mentioned to him that I myself was bisexual, but my story of coming out and who I am was totally different from his. My passenger interrupted me and said:

"But it is still your story."

That it is. I will never forget that.

Pride has nothing to do with exalting one's self for being queer. Pride means accepting yourself for who you are, no matter what people think of you.

Acceptance

That's really the key to it. Isn't it? I am perhaps a different type of queer person. I am a queer person of faith. Not too many queer people can say that because often times the Church is at the forefront of homophobia and shows little love, except when it calls it "tough love," which in reality is shunning and exclusion.

However, the Church that I attend is markedly different. Every Sunday at the beginning of worship, these lines are spoken:

We come from many different paths to gather here for wide is God's welcome and you are welcome here. If you are young or old, you are welcome. If you have brown skin, black skin, white skin or any color skin, you are welcome. If you are married or single, you are welcome. If you are sick or well, you are welcome. If you are straight, gay, lesbian, or bisexual you are welcome. If you are male, female, trans, intersex or nonbinary, you are welcome. If you are an immigrant, you are welcome. If you are a refugee, like Jesus was, you are welcome. If you cannot hear or see, you are welcome. If you are fully-abled, disabled or a person of differing abilities, you are welcome. If you are happy or sad, you are welcome. If you are rich or poor, powerful or weak, you are welcome. If you believe in God some of the time, or none of the time, or all of the time, you are welcome . . .

There is something powerful about these words. Recently, I had invited a gay friend of mine to come with me to my church. His faith is ambivalent and he grew up in a strict fundamentalist church (which he likes to call a cult) and had an awful experience with this church. I had told him my church was different and that we are affirming, but I don't think he actually believed me at the time. That is, until one of my pastors read those words of welcome, I turned to look at my friend and the tears were silently rolling down his cheeks. Afterwards he told our pastors that he felt as if the whole service had been geared towards him especially.

Acceptance is powerful. Acceptance is so close to love that for many people the two terms are virtually synonymous. If I may be so bold, this brings new meaning for me to the words of Jesus:

"I give you a new commandment:  Accept each other. Just as I have accepted you, so you must also accept each other. This is how everyone will know you are my disciples, when you accept each other." (John 13:34-35) Now, of course, the words of Jesus were actually:  "Love each other."

So, for my cisgender, heterosexual friends, accept your queer acquaintances. Don't try to change them. It never works. Let your friends be who they are.

For my queer friends:  Accept yourselves. You are beautiful and loved. You are accepted and loved by God for who you are, just as you are. You do not need to change.

Happy Pride!